My caddy says I should use a hard 7. 20. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. The end. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Id cry too if I played golf like you. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Golf?! All he knows how to play with is Clubs! The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Please add a link to this article. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. 3 of 10. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Whos there? I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Do you know what the Lama says? Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. It can be rewarding. 4. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Jim Murray. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? -Bob Hope Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Toggle Navigation Menu . -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Hit the ball. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. The other 20. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Mini Golf Captions. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Any birdie will do. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. I was actually enjoying it. Wanna be my caddy? My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. I never prayed that I would make a putt. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Dirt your body. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. 5. Are you looking for some funny jokes? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I 3. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. After 18 holes I can barely walk. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. A hole in one of a kind model. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. I stepped on a rake.". "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". What are a golfers favorite flowers? As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. Dont even putt. If you drink, dont drive. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. And it's damn funny. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Eight. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. 1. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. "If you break 100, watch your golf. 5. Knock, knock Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Their fore-fathers! The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. One minute youre bleeding. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Whos there? Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. I'm Tiger Woods. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. He said. Fantastic 4-some. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Its to move on. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Keep your sense of humor. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? had to choose, right ? Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. You swing left and the ball goes right. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Get in the hole! ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Here, have a carrot! / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Bruce Lansky. Keep your head down. Putter Around. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. 5. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. I chipped in from the rough! Missed the ball and sank the divot. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. 1. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? They like cricket better. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Twelfth son of the Lama. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. -Happy Gilmore. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Please sign up with your best email address. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Lift your head and spread your legs. All through the night they made wild love together. putt." Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. The lowest score wins. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Golf is a lot like life. Very interesting. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Boo. Bruce Lansky, Author. Choose My three keys to success: One, work hard. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Drops him off at the golf course! The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Clubbing. So what are you waiting for? Sawdust City LLC. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Just tap it in. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. You look like someone who likes to swing. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. 3. All of them. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Ben Hogan. 3. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. "Golf is like a love affair. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Lee Trevino. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot The most important shot in golf is the next one. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. . Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Whats the difference between golf and sex? It took one afternoon on the golf course. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? You shot an eight. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. What is a golfers favorite bird? The threesome were curious what was going on. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Chip Shot. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. 21. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. How many strokes was that? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. It was glorious when you did! A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? fodrizzle. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. 1. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55.