why do serial cheaters want to stay married

i dont think it will change. I think all this talking is shaking me up so I may just observe for a while. He is not worth your mental energy. Of course, at the time I did not know he was cheating on me in fact, I had to hear it from a third party 6 weeks after he broke up with me and I had moved out. Your Hs affair partner sounds very intentionally vicious, manipulative, selfish, and heartless. Nothing a cheater does is your fault, but the second they start rationalizing their affair aloud to you, it can be easy to forget they acted on their own accord. Neither he or I knew how incredibly wise and accurate that statement was. So skanky breathe, this is to you. Some common relationship issues that can lead to cheating include lack of communication, emotional disconnect, physical disconnect, and lack of respect. I said and by the way, she did the wrong thing, putting her exh on speaker phone, because she only did that, so out of all the conversations you hear of them talking, she puts the one on that has him get angry on. I learned much later that he took that to mean that I accepted the blame for the whole affair.! WHAT a great British word!!! Nor do I need them to know everything about me. If you want to know more about them, they might get upset and give you the excuse that they like to keep their life private. How effective are brass knuckles for self defense? And each time I do that, she never answers me back but then starts in on my husband again. Get a confession: While . When they say I do to their future bride or groom, they already have their sights and intention set to cheat, which is how they live. Heres the mistake that the wife made. I spent a year being told the problems in our marriage were due to me, so I tried to fix me. And I told him I felt the same way about him. Even if a cheating partner feels like theres something missing in his marriage, he might be afraid to leave his wife because hes used to the way things are. BAM, NOW WHO DA BOSS?? Youve come a long way over the last 2 years. I remember when my husband told me that story about her very recently. He knows that most are only after what they can.get out of you. I would not have had to listen to my teenage on call my husband a f p when the whole story came out. A chronic perpetual liar and cheat. Mar 31, 2017. My husband does have a part in this and here is what it is: he is the type of guy who is so affable that he has no enemies. Im not one to soft soap or pull punches. I know the majority of cheaters are men out there and the % of cheating women are a lot smaller but nonetheless, my wife falls into that % and I have never cheated on her. It was a beautiful time, but you know that was as tainted as they come, of a wedding anniversary. She cant know anything personal about you two good or bad. That is the only way to be since trying to fix someone ultimately ends in frustration and bitterness. Its important to point out that not every unfaithful spouse has a personality disorder, nor does every spouse with some degree of personality disorder engage in infidelity. You are investing too much of your self worth in his opinion and what he said or did. Lol. And I dont mean that in a bad way. A cheater's secrets can often be revealed through their recent calls list, in text messages on their phone, or a private folder in their email. But a locked phone especially, Susan Winter said, is a dead giveaway. Inability to stop scanning for any new data that might cause more distress. My inlaws avoid me since Im a cold bitch who wont go to funerals etc, nor do my kids want to go. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. looking back, I think I was probably just a cute girl with a nice body who was an easy lay. According to Dr. Nelson, the claim, "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't necessarily true. Why do serial cheaters want to STAY MARRIED even after confrontation It will be just a matter of what your personal threshhold for pain . Then, be receptive to the injured party's . You tell yourself if you had just been a little better than what you are now, they would never have strayed. He's looking for something new. I mean who really wants to be with someone who is always complaining and continues to live in such a seemingly miserable existance if all their complaints about their spouses are true. Using a licensed therapist as a sounding board as you work your way towards a decision will be the best move you can make in this situation. Cheaters "deflect pointed conversations by changing the true subject and always minimizing their actions," award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, Shannon Thomas told INSIDER. But, anytime I have dropped into work to leave homemade cookies and cakes for the staff, I do not get a lonely for another couple vibe from her at all. I think we both have learned from this, it was difficult, still is, but I am hoping he has learned more from what he almost lost because of the ea, so it never happens again. Cheaters tend to take stock in the reverse. So basically, the more times a person cheats, the better they feel about cheating, so they do it again. A great salesman and he knows how to work me. I think he told you that emotional crap line to make sure you didnt tell his secret. "These are lies, of course, so that when they are not with you, they have a great story to draw from.". She believed he was only with me because if the children, because she was so wonderful, why would he stay with the wicked wife, unless for the children. For her crap. So, rather than come clean, they choose to continue having a married relationship. Malfunction: Confessions of a Serial Cheater | Observer 2) to be happy when seen (she always appeared in a mood with him , fuelling the perception that their relationship was over ) 3) she was aloof on the rare occasions she visited the office it was notable and mentioned by his staff. He knew exactly what I was mad about and what he had done. So what should you do if your cheating husband wants to stay married to you? He didnt have to travel in those circles to find his supply. May you have many more years together, growing together, and may your husband continue to recognize and show gratitude for the jewel that he has had all along. I crack myself up:). How Being A Mistress Changed My Perception Of Marriage Exactly giz, dont drag innocent bystanders down the destructive path, by trying to act single. She goes on to say, "They aren't all alike. Now Im married, Im even more bemused as to how my (married) AP could live with himself. Covert narcissists will also use more passive-aggressive methods of manipulation as opposed to overt narcissists who will create chaos openly. Why Narcissists Have Affairs And Cheat On Their Spouses She will think because he wants her to get to know you that he wants to socialize with her. (Or that is how my husband describes it). I did it all by myself. They might start out making idle conversation and some of them will openly discuss their wives and family seemingly with the pride of a happily married man. In some cases, a man may stay married for now, even if he eventually plans to leave his marriage. 20 Reasons Why A Cheating Person Shows No Remorse She is NOT married to the guy. Well she was also very stupid because once I saw it and her ineptitude she was gone. The spouses inability to have personal boundaries and their commitments to their primary relationships. But more importantly, they will do their best to prove to you that they're going to be faithful moving forward. I never even remembered that conversation we had until a while after the ea came to light. They can be charming, and convincing, and make you believe what they say. Have heard that before too- that sex with the AP is usually over-rated. They are the weak injured idiots at the back of the pack, waiting to be be taken down. On the other hand, even when wives know, they often choose to stay married. Of course hes going to tell you that this one was emotional the others were just purely physical and guess what hes telling his wife the same thing about you. You can nail his foot to the floor, develop ironclad guidelines, and you can show objective evidence that he is at fault. Another common reason is anger or frustration at their spouse. They will not own their actions. How do you put a face to infidelity? They think society's rules don't apply to them, i.e., they are sociopathic narcissists. One-time cheaters are less likely to view cheating as a way to get an adrenaline rush. Same here man. (He had been having an affair under my nose and I had no idea. Before taking any concrete action I would seek the advice of a knowledgable professional. For some, this is so true, and they become serial cheaters. If you've been cheated, trust that you're not alone in this experience and, though this is hurtful, it doesn't reflect on your worth as a partner or person. She must be shaking her head thinking WTF is he doing with her, he told me he couldnt stand her and now here they are traveling all over together, working together, what the hell happened? Coffee Shop Gypsy, Word Practitioner. Hes learned to look past the flattery. What's even more disturbing about cheaters is that not only do they know what to say, they know how to say it, and how to carry themselves so that their body language doesn't give away a lie. Im 1000miles away from any support, job, insurance, car, and my husband cant make me feel safe because of his fear of getting sued. Warning : Ive had a wine so shouldnt be posting. They use marriage as a built in excuse for things they dont even want to do. So, he was sitting there thinking, just like the big, bad wolf in sheeps clothing, ohh, the better to fool you with, my dear!. A: honestly I ended up having an affair to escape the place I found myself in in my marriage. Ohhh really, well this man has just been separated from his wife and she starts having an affair with you, wtf, what do you expect this man to do and say to her, while his emotions are running high. This went on and on for several months and it looks like now my friend is finally breaking away for good. There was never any resolution to his parents behavior and they never changed. She was 19 and carrying my child. Other men are afraid to hurt their wives. According to Dr. Tabori, cheaters often deeply fear abandonment and seek out their second relationship as something of a security blanket against physical or emotional loneliness. Serial cheaters enjoy all of these benefits, plus the sexual freedom of a . "They can look you in the eye and say things such as: What a long day at work,' when they were actually with another person. But not only are a cheater's secrets. He is just a guy who is extremely easy to work with a attempts to build harmony in his team. According to a 2010 to 2017 General Social Survey issued by the Institute for Family Studies, 20% of men and 13% of women have had sex with someone who was not their spouse while married. When he is at work, he is always in a jolly mood, he is a team player, and he loves to make small talk about safe topics such as the books he is reading. All of us hear have been played to one extent or another and its not funny. Boy what I would do to turn back the clock and call him on the carpet the first day my spidey senses tingled, which was over a year ago. To serial cheaters, the adulterous act can temporarily boost their ego and self-esteem through instant gratification. This may be a pattern of hers. How and why did it end and who ended it? The cheating is serial or a pattern of behavior. Robert Weiss of Psych Central defines sexual addiction as an addiction that causes an individual to feel an intense need for sex. Ruining Your Life By Cheating: Is There Any Way to Right the Ship? I was new to the job and he was a tease and a flirt. This, in my opinion, keeps you too tied to him in your mind. The loss of self-esteem, self-worth, trust, hope, concentration, confidence. I raise virtual champagne glasses in celebration: may what happened during those two years be only a tiny blip on the radar of a healthy, long-lived, loving, and fruitful life together. I heard his fake laugh and I swear my hair caught fire. Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily, Hayley Morris Loves Dressing Up As A Vagina, Thanks For Asking, These People Took Online Dating Off The Apps & Out Of The DMs, Heres How To Use TikToks Love Tester Filter, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. I see them in therapy, and theyre ready to change; its usually because theyve gotten older, theyve gotten wiser, theyve destroyed their life, and theyre basically alone and miserable. Who wouldnt?? Please believe that. I thought through this, and decided it was an exceptionally clever tactic. I am also a marketing copywriter specializing in sales funnels. Liar, cheater, just plain mean. 9. Why do narcissists cheat? Surviving repeated infidelity may be too much for the betrayed spouse within the context of the marriage. He did not have positive role models and he does not know how to do things differently. Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater? Marriage Therapists Weigh In - HuffPost As there are no plans of exit and they don't have any powerful path where they can stay, they just manage to understand their partner and stay married. Their infidelity will likely have made much more of an impact on them. Our whore tried to ruin every possible way. Youve learned a great and valuable lesson. As they say, fool me once, shame on you. Sometimes those folks who are the life of the party and all affable on the outside are dealing with a lot of demons on the inside and unfortunately you werent privy to those but you can bet the wife was. I would never intentionally say anything to hurt someone, well yes I would if they are a total asshole but certainly not anyone really trying to do right. Shame and embarrassment especially when you tell what happened to your circle of friends. You tend to believe that if they dont answer their phone or if they are coming home late, they must certainly be with this other person. Feeling overwhelmingly powerlessness and broken. Serial cheaters dont think cheating is as big of a deal as one-time cheaters do. Especially if your spouse was cheating with someone in your circle of friends. Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share. Women and men need to be called out when they behave unprofessionally. (Only no one will know it!). Shes lying to seem more swanky and chic. The OW he had the affair with was everything my husband found abhorrent as well. He may see that the affair was shallow, but his marriage is real. And guess what? You need to focus on yourself and your needs if you wish to remain with this partner. Just like the assistant I hired and fired, I saw way to many clues with her and her real intentions and shut her shit show down fast. Extra cheating affairs are not a big deal for them to quit a marriage relationship, so they just stay married and enjoy the rest of their life like this. Many men and women go years without knowing that their partners or significant others have cheated until they see the affair firsthand. BTW we have had the no opposite-sex rules of no lunches, no texting without disclosure of whats going on, but he does not ever at all follow the rules except the lunch one. 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. Ive been reading the comments since the end of last year, the ones about being betrayed by friends left me with a deep sense of sorrow for the posters but I was foolish to think that would not be my reality This second sexual affair was with a friend Words fail me right now in describing the depth of disgust I feel towards my husband and this fake friend; I had to take down all the wedding pictures off the wall Im dealing with a serial cheater clearly. Winters said. As long as the wife puts up with cheating or chooses to take him or her back, believing that the affair is over (which it never is), the narcissist will stay married until the end of time. "I felt like the world's biggest scumbag." It's pretty shitty to be honest. Why Women Stay With Men Who Cheat | Everyday Health Why do cheating husbands stay married? Do it sister:). How do I move data from one tab to another in Excel? Because they hope to become the men they want to be. Theres nothing wrong with those things in limited doses, but you just cant keep it up if its not you. Well a nasty little interior decorator who worked for me told me john was a crack head!!! Turns out once a cheater, always a cheater is true. I have let him know before how he attracts these types, but he is genuinely naive about this because he is just being himself. Thanks Giz. For example, no opposite-sex friendships for your husband. So, it is with that caveat that I have written this post. The psychology behind their behavior is just too ingrained in who they are as a person. Ahhh but, here is the catch. To be specific, three personality disorders; Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Psychopathy. Your eating patterns are disturbed. There is an awesome book called Quiet that describes the incredible value introverts have to offer, especially in terms of future innovation and contributions to society. Sometimes we all need to hear the cold, hard truth even if its hard to take. Hes lied to you before so pay less attention to his words and more to his actions. This guy played you and Im sure it hurts to think that. Even in a happy marriage, men may cheat for many reasons. The guy was not married either. Respect is everything in all relationships, and if your partner has cheated on you then they obviously do not respect you at all because if they did, they wouldn't ever have cheated in the first place. I felt trapped, unheard, controlled and was unable to leave. Maybe he doesnt think he will ever get caught so he doesnt see the harm in continuing both the affair and his marriage. She only wanted to answer to the men. Between alimony and spousal support, any divorce can be a financial nightmare. I could not have predicted the way this thread would go a year ago I am bowled over by your compassion! You were manipulated and used by a pro. He has a lot of natural compassion for people, no matter who they are. The only way to know for sure is to have an honest conversation. He became a pro. "It might really be just what you want to hear and not the truth," she says. I lived with a cheater and all of this describes him to a T. I am done with that. Maybe they just had the opportunity and decided to go for it. Inform her you have logged evidence and will continue to do so, proving she is harassing him and you. As Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. Why do wives stay with serial cheaters for years? - Quora We still have some recovery work to do, I still am so very embarrassed about what happened, but I think the ow can be more embarrassed about chasing a married man, trying to break a family, and not letting go of him when he made a decision to stay with his family. Why do serial cheaters want to stay married? - zoyahelp.com Well everyone, just over two years ago, I probably though we would never have made it to this day, that was when the ea had started. Hating you or wanting to smash your face is her normal knee jerk reaction to his bad behavior. I only slept with my affair partner once during our affair, but our sexual history was long and pathetic. It blows my mind. You go through their phone records, email, wallet, anything that might prove what you already suspect. Chaos can feel like passion. LOL trust me I call bullshit when he puts the smooze on too much for me You are no dummy and I am sure there had to be times when it MUST have occurred to you that this guy was too good to be true. I have copied and pasted your questions with answers below . Its not paranoia or drama on your part, its real red flags. I just have NO tolerance for those that continue to run roughshod through their own lives, wreaking havoc on others with no impunity is when I get all judgmental. A Tale of Two Cheaters: Are You Married to a Serial Cheater? When I was in my mid- 20s, I took a lot of flack from my (now ex) fiance because I wasnt more of an in-your-face extrovert. You know what sucks more than being cheated on? But since he was too chicken to man up and put his family first and deal with his mess as soon as he knew it was a mess, here I am. BTW you and Eyes are not one of the PIGS. One that I would not get involved with, ever. I have an unmarried friend who recently got caught in a dynamic like this. In the comments to my previous posts on adultery, one recurring theme dealt with "serial" adulterers, people whose behavior shows a pattern of repeated cheating.This can involve repeated affairs . They dont think of it as a sinful act theyre doing. I didnt see that as blaming at all. Confusion and disorientation. There could be many reasons for a serial cheating husband to want to stay married, and all of them represent an inner conflict. This Is Why You Shouldn't EVER Forgive A Cheating Partner LOL but he knew she would. Can a serial cheater change? - YourSageInformation So I think he was just going back to his old behaviors that he carried on with when I wasnt here. They may feel unsatisfied in some way. In some cases . Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share. I do not want to confront her because I think that could endanger my husbands job if she went to HR and she is the type who goes to HR and launches lawsuits on a whim. You held yourself very well. Its bait. They cheat- thats their partners fault! Definitely for the best. "Most people are more disturbed by the breaking of trust and the intimacy in the rival' relationship, than whether there is sex involved.". I accepted who he was, good parts and annoying parts. Honestly its a wonder our business was able to survive. None the less, here we are, still fighting our way through all the crap the ea has thrown at us, and surely but slowly, seeing the fruits of all our hard work. He always assures me that he never singles anyone out for special treatment or even friendship and I believe it since I have corroborated it. (I mean, the stereotype is that men want the variety that another woman provides and that women embark on this path because their husbands cannot meet their emotional needs.). Someone who knows who you are and likes who you are. Ill bet she has a thousand more questions Thani and why because she never really knew him and well he lied to her just as much if not more than he lied to me. 20. Thankfully he finally opened his eyes. Serial cheaters get and stay married because on some level they too want a companion to share their life with. To me it all concurs. "Watch out for someone who uses these types of excuses for treating you badly," she says. Do you think you had different reasons for entering into it than your affair partner did? Personally I think you have handled it well up to this point. Signs of a serial cheater: Why some people can't stop being unfaithful You cannot turn off the thoughts of what they did or calm your mind enough to allow you to relax into sleep mode. Are they unhappy in their marriage so they had an affair or are they unhappy in their marriage because they are in an affair? anyway husband, or anyone else in the past, has acted inappropriately with other women in my prescense presence, just behind my back. It was apparent she knew he had done this before and instead of blaming him and looking at what part he had, she was lashing out and blaming you for all of it. He was smiling and making small talk and invading my personal space. What are serial cheaters looking for? Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat. Lap dances? And the most important question you are asking yourself. Yet today is the day. Ohhh and then she would go psycho, because of course he wouldnt turn his phone off for her, I must have done something to him. And I dont need people to fill me up. Still, only you know what is right for you to do. So, I do not believe this is a way to make in roads with us as a couple. I want you to quit hating yourself and hating HIM! But rest assured, if you are dating someone who is truly remorseful for their mistake, they likely won't carry that habit with them into the future. He was a constant prankster and flirted with everyone (men and women). She then would be able to keep a track of what he spends on his kids. It is horrible. Its like they are always just one drink, or hit, or whatever away. Hi Gizfield, yes there are other introverts out there. Just found some interesting information in a study done by the University of Guelph. Unfortunately though, I had to let the ea run its course, there was nothing I could say or do that would make my h leave his skank, there was nothing I could do or say to skank to leave my h alone either. So being friendly and having people on her side would have helped, I think. So they want both comfort zone and dont wanna break the marriage. Surprisingly, cheating is so common that it is sometimes hard to separate infidelity and serial adultery.. On the topic of serial cheaters, I have always been completely baffled as to why my AP was the way he was. So fast track to now, today we are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary!!!!!!

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