husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

Of course control issues are a possibility. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. He gets anxiety about it, but he doesnt try to stop me from going he knows it is part of my job. And then he interprets the lack of disagreement as agreement. I dont know, maybe other people are able to work through this kind of thing, but I couldnt. I asked three people: Me, myself, and I. OP, only you can make the choice about whether this marriage is worth staying in. Whats real is my wife is going for a walk in a safe area, shes smart and wouldnt put herself in danger, and the chances of anything happening to her are incredibly low. It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) My husband and I both grew up in very traditional conservative homes, and so his support of my career means a lot to me. My boyfriend loves Las Vegas, Ive gone several times and always have an excellent time. Im reminded of when my flying phobia was at its worst, and I was going to take a flight on Friday the 13th. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. my husband doesn't want me to go on a business trip to Vegas And they happen to be adjacent to entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference. He would also get mad at my mom for not responding to his texts even when he knew she was driving somewhere. My hunny is not a fan of me getting up at 4:30 and going running in the dark by myself. *thumbs up, fistbump, etc*, This comment got away from me a bit, Im sorry for that. Its just such a common conference/trade show city! Sorry, Im a nope here. I dated a guy like that! If something was going to happen to you, it could be anywhere. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for the night along the way. We saw a fun show with impersonators of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Cher, etc and fun dancers. Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Please be safe, and let us know what happens. Id do it again theres a mob museum and some other things Id like to see. M.M. Yeah Im kind of surprised people are acting like theyve never heard anything bad about Vegas. I never said anything about kiddnaping I had 3 seperate friends get sexually assaulted there. Hopefully this question to AAM will lead in the direction of help. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. They might feel left out or unimportant. Thats an unreasonable stance. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. Everybody is in agreement! I usually find that veiled anxiety/fear of minorities is at the root of cities are dangerous and scary and you must never go out after dark fears, but rarely is it veiled so thinly. Honestly, given his insistence that your company is basically trying to ruin your marriage by sending you on a business trip and the tenor of the conversations hes had with others about allowing you to do your damn job, my gut screams traditionalist underachieving man threatened by successful wife. He needs to manage his insecurities and not force them all on you and your career. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. Nah this isnt about irrational fears on his part, its about control. My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. I build these horrific scenarios in my mind about what supposedly happened. I have been to Vegas twice (both in the same calendar year), once with my wife when she was attending a conference (hobby, not work related) and the second time with my (at the time) elementary school aged daughter. of course im very careful around others who drink and make it a point to be responsible and not get carried away, kwim? rarely cede ground. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). There is SO much more to Vegas than gambling, booze, and illicit sex. This is stuff you gotta ask yourself. Sometimes folks with untreated anxiety hear what they want to hear. And thats Congo. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. A 14 hour road trip is long enough, but it's going to be way longer than that with a 3 month old. Sorry for the confusion. OP, I want to add a data point to counter his everyone agrees with me! comment. Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. I HATED IT! This was not such a culture. And shell never be the breadwinner, but again, thats what she signed up for from the get-to. The husband may need counselling to discover why he willing to sabotage the family bread winner. Good for you,OP, for asking how to deal with a difficult situation. I really wish people would take the time to think beyond their first assumption in issues like this. By letting him come chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with work colleagues, with single men, etc. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? If it's me, I would prefer stay home and rest till the baby gets older and low maintenance Do it!! The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. I used to travel 3 weeks out of the month from Wed-Sun for work and often traveled by myself to large cities as well as smaller locations and never felt unsafe. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. Yeah, I sometimes hear about people who really want a job with a lot of work travel, or people who think being a flight attendant would be really glamorous, and Im just like meh. This is a great comment. Main Menu Its just not reasonable to expect a spouse to not travel for business, and I cant imagine a whole group of people who would say such a thing. Its like I encouraged a learned behavior. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. Husband may be dealing with separation anxiety, and instead of communicating that, is using Las Vegas We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over - Scary Mommy You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. Illogical or inappropriate behaviors like this are not always a sign of mental illness and mental illness is not an excuse to be controlling or abusive, EVER. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. He could use some time and a space where he could work through these anxieties with a therapist who could help him think of ways to handle them better. Nope. I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. Feel free to point out where I did that. I think you know that all of his fears could happen to you (or be things youd do) wherever you live or any place you travel to. Congratulations! If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. If its phrased as Wife wants to go to Vegas without me for 3 days but go with a bunch of random guys Ive never met before!. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. This isnt a man with an anxiety problem. Except I divorced mine. Some things are objectively controlling behaviours though. I have to comment on this one. Las Vegas is not my favorite place ever because I dont love big crowds or gambling, but its just a city. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). Eating a meal? I say go for it! I also have a lot of real/not real conversations in my own head. Because setting some reasonable limits is part of that. (Im glad to report that years later she is completely reasonable and sensible about these things and I love her dearly!). Yet he says he would not even go without me. Where I was originally from in Ohio, there are schools that dont have proms because dancing is considered a vice, and thus shouldnt be promoted by a school. Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. I know right? If so, maybe its just a weird fixationbut if he often has nervous, fearful, or otherwise disproportionate reactions to things, it might be worth seeing if he can get some help with that. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. That is the problem. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. I do have anxiety and PTSD from my days in the army. Pricey, but worth it! Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. or is it not? Him: Yeah, she does this every couple of months, and it never lasts. I was just sure my wife and son were either missing or dead. Theres no life insurance policy in the world that would substitute for my husbands continued presence in my life and on this planet. Its also putting some stress on our relationship, because Im starting to feel resentful about the time I have to spend reassuring you. We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. As to the question of WHY businesses have meetings in Las Vegas, its because the hospitality industry there gets it. Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. Or get off? Shed never thought about it because shed only seen the Strip depictions. Dont try to rationally argue with him; much like a toddler, he isnt thinking rationally and it will get you nowhere. You dont get an opinion on whether youre dumped!! Couples counselling isnt about sharing blame as it is figuring out problems in the relationship and working together to find solutions. He made her upset the entire trip last time. I think (I hope!) Women will agree with a spouse to avoid conflict. I wasnt allowed to take late classes in school bc good girls dont stay out after dark. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. So all the brothel skits on Reno 911 were a lie? o_o, As an Iowa alum, I can personally vouch that Ive seen more drunken debauchery in Iowa City than I have on the Vegas Strip. I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. He does worry about my safety. When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. Excuse me? Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . He is the one with the heavy lifting, though. Things to consider!! Are we sure that survey actually happened? oceans apart 3 teile gratis. He called to tell me he won a bunch of money at Black Jack and was getting free drinks. I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. Does he take this incredibly low view of your character whenever youre apart from him, or is that just a terrible assumption he makes about you when you travel to Vegas? This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". It comes across as so controlling. I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. I did business trips to the Middle East. I dont much care for Vegas. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. Its been 12 years for me. The next step absolutely should be counseling, but I dont know that its fair for us to fault the OP for not making it the first step, you know? Spiking drinks, assault, kidnapping happen in tiny places as well as large places. Couldnt she spend the weekend elsewhere? And myhusband answered, Ididnt want tobring her, but she insisted.Ibooked aticket and went home onthe next plane out. It was literally created by the mob and has legalized prostitution and gambling. For me, the issues here are 1) input from friends is useful to inform ones own feelings, not make demands of ones partner by committee, and 2) ultimately, the person most affected by the demands is in the best position to make the right judgment call. The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. Thats the weirdest part of it to me! Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas. This is WAAAY different than not having a closed door meeting with a member of the opposite sex, though. We are leaving Saturday for a vacation on Florida. I think Id feel safer there than in my own city, where things can get desolate sometimes. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. I think the conversation is worth having. But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. Co-worker had a wonderful time. Also, they have very little money, so we are . If its my wife is going to a business conference.. You cant change his feelings and reactions, you can only control your own. Most of them suffer from anxiety and sensory issues so they think Vegas sounds terrible in practice. Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. In a healthy marriage, there is no spouse v. spouse, and theres room for career, hobbies, friends, etc. If a person hasnt had much of a chance (or desire) to go to different places, your impression of them is far different than the reality. This is a really, really big deal. I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. I would imagine thats what happens in Vegas for a great many solo work travelers. My boyfriend used to freak out every time I had to travel for work. Seriously. And we always get gorgeous hotel rooms for ridiculously cheap. Because reallyif the intent is there, a spouse can cheat anywhere. This gives me hope that one day Ill have that too! but it was the backbone of learning to manage anxiety. We had screaming matches over girls night out or any activity that might throw me in the path of men. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. An ex of mine and I were trying to be friends; he told me about a date he went on and I gave him my opinion (that he treated this woman like crap) and he was basically all, Nuh-unh! Im not so sure its abuse, to be honest. I cordially dislike Vegas. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. Personally, I think its far more likely that hes just using others or my friends agree as a generic point in his favor without actually having asked them. It really seems like your husband doesnt trust you, and as AAM said, that is a relationship problem. While that is a choice that some people wouldnt want to make, an annual business trip is very common. I think that it is much more scary to be hurt by someone you know, so people are more likely to believe in the bogeyman dark alley scenario. Its not clear how much of this is general anxiety versus a specific concern about Las Vegas, but for the latter, some combination of yeah, Vegas might have been like that fifty years ago, but this is 2017 and its tame now and you cant believe everything you see on TV, theyre just going for the ratings might help. After the last Vegas conference 4 years ago, where more people got fired for misconduct than should have, my company has put a stop to holding regional or national conferences there. He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. If the problem isnt the one everyone jumps on, that means the LW get a lot of useless advice on a problem they dont have. The thing is, by continuing to comply with his increasingly erratic demands for check-ins, he came to expect them anytime he wanted them so if I went to a movie with friends and didnt tell him, Id come out to literally 30 texts wanting to know where I was. Abusers often (successfully!) Its a him issue. This makes a lot of sense, and I think its a good strategy. $57 foie gras burgers and stuff, just total lunacy. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. Collect them from travel agents and show it to your husband, wife or partner. In NYC? Get that man into counseling, pronto. See some shows, enjoy some good food, go on a nice hike. Fun for a night or two a year, too much otherwise. couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. And perversely its a lot SAFER than other big cities, because there are eyes everywhere, all the time. You say youre the breadwinner. Or the students who rejected their rejection letters when I worked in college admissions. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. You won't have to look over, sideways, and under to find out when new Magic Key sales will be open again. But this doesnt seem to be important to the OP she recognizes that she should be allowed to go on business trips. Same with mine. Only discussing the precise words given in the letter: If he refuses because everyone who goes to Vegas becomes adulterous instantly and HE doesnt want that to happen to HIM then you have a completely different issue from he refuses to let her go at all because He Said So. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. We would stop when we needed gas or a bathroom break but usually wouldn't be stopped for more than 15 min or so. ), Yeah man, Id be super bummed if my wife went to Vegas and didnt take me with her, I freakin love Vegas!. (FWIW Im married and work FT and during tax season Ive come home at 10-12 PM. Ive looked at the posts from the OP (Working Wife), and in the first place, she hadnt posted when I posted this. The following photos show exactly what can go wrong when you try to take a family photo. He may be social with neighbors and coworkers, but hes not a friendly guy. Its not like people are forced at gunpoint to have sex with a rando when they deplane at McCarran. Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. Best of luck to you, LW. I had a meeting at a school outside of the city and a friend was shocked that there are elementary schools there. Nothing magical about Vegas. I hope they can find a solution. Context does not change would into wouldnt. by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. Shopping! I dont gamble and am not much of a drinker/partier and I thought Vegas was great! My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. Telling your partner that you really need to focus on work for three days should not be a big deal (barring really big exacerbating circumstancesI need to focus on work, so Im skipping your mothers funeral, have fun! would be much more fraught, of course). We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. (Not the same thing, but my wife had continuing education there and brought me. Counseling is a great start. (No, actually, a real list.) The letter writers last trip was in February and the manager from the other thread wrote to Alison in the beginning of March, which would be right after she got back from this Vegas trip and told her boss she would no longer travel. But in that case Anxious Controlling Husband would worry the OP would leave him for a donkey, Nothing like a donkey show joke to class up a comment thread. Literally cannot learn your brain switches off the learning & memory centres of your brain while its priming your legs to flee the sabre-toothed dire wolves of your imagination. The threading makes it a little unclear, but thats not the part under discussion: Top-Level Comment: If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag., Response: Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know..

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